I Won Today.

I used to have a boss that asked, "Did you win today?" Today, the answer is yes. I gave a big eff you to depression today.

I woke up this morning after having a restful, good nights sleep. Thank god. That's a great start to the day, and I was so thankful. Then I realized it's Post Secret Sunday! (As every Sunday is.) I get excited when I wake up and realize it's Sunday and there are new secrets waiting for me to read. Interestingly, there were two about depression today and one about suicide. I am not alone in this struggle, and if I can inspire one other person on my journey up, then maybe they can inspire another one to take it on too and rise above. Me choosing happiness is going to effect so many more people than I even know at this time, or possibly ever.

So just as I was starting a great day, depression almost got the best of me. I sat at my computer for a few hours looking for jobs, and finding nothing new that really applies to me. Point is, I got a little discouraged today. With depression, it's not just discouraged. It's, "Oh my God, my life is shit. It's shit right now. It's going to continue to be shit forever and ever and ever. And then I die."

My mom tells me to stop awfulizing everything. I take a little detail and build a whole story of it. Yesterday I told her all the reasons why this job I want will definitely not hire me. I make it sound like they'd be damn fools to hire me. Then my mom called me on my bullshit. She basically called me a liar, and asked me why I was saying all these horrible things and why on earth would I tell myself all these things that aren't true. I'm making it up in my head. That's why I love her. Yes, my mother is right.

So today, when I was talking to friends and telling them about that job interview, I saw it in a new light. My friends were actually pretty impressed as I told them what I knew about this job and what I would do if I got it. It made me feel like it's actually a possibility that I could get hired. I just have to wait two weeks to find out. That's a little agonizing...unless it isn't. I'm going to keep applying for jobs. I have a house to deep clean this week. My best friend is getting married on Saturday.

HR that's going to take two weeks to make a decision, by all means, take two weeks because I have a life. I'm not going to sit by the phone like a whipped girl waiting for a guy to call. I've got things to do, and life to enjoy. My best freaking friend since 8th grade is getting married this week! Today I got to buy my first pair of Chuck Taylors for the occasion! They're black, but pink inside!

Also big news today, well, not BIG news, but exciting and it makes me happy. Today is my boyfriends and my 7 month anniversary. (Let's call my boyfriend J. If I typed out his name people would get confused about who exactly I was talking about. I'll leave it at that.) Let me tell you why 7 months is a big deal... the longest relationship I ever had before him lasted a month and a half. I am a loner, and people who know me, have known me as single. I don't date much. I don't bring guys home to meet the family. In fact, my best friend that's getting married this week, the one I've known since 8th grade...J is the first guy I've ever introduced to her as my boyfriend.

Meeting J was kind of a big deal. When I first considered dating him, and tried to make up all the reasons not to, all I heard in my heart was, 'This relationship can go as far as you want it to. If you want commitment, go for it. Just go! Just go! Just go!' If I were in Neverland and wanted to fly, he would be my happy thought to make me fly. He's a happy thought that just gets me through the day sometimes.

I write so much. So reader's digest version of why I won today:
Slept great. Got to read Post Secret. Told discouragement to take a hike, and got on with my day. Bought shoes and a skirt for my best friends wedding. Also saw two amazing dresses at the store, tried them on, and said, 'Girl, you the business.' (I took pictures and hopefully my boyfriend will say, 'We gotta buy those....now.') I organized my music on my computer and made new playlists. I ate today. That's a big deal lately because I seem to have no appetite. Talked to two good friends, and felt more loved. I get to kiss my boyfriend tonight!

All in all, I enjoyed the day. I didn't awfulize. I didn't stress. I took it one day at time, and did the best I could with today. What's this game called? I win!