Sleep, I Need You. I Want You...

I was asleep.  I don't know why I am awake now.  I have to be back to work in four hours so this is super awesome.  I don't know why I woke up, but as soon as I did my mind started racing.  That's super lame.  I am thinking about this wheel of cheese that's at work, that's sitting on the counter.  Some cheese, it's okay to leave out over night.  In fact, for a Parm Reg wheel, it's necessary if you want to be able to cut it.  However, I am wondering right now why I ever listen to my assistant.  I usually don't, but I did last night.  He said, "Sure, let's leave the Gruyere wheel out."  For some reason, and don't ask me why, it made sense to me at the time.  And quite frankly, I was too busy to stop and really think about it.  It's a seventy pound wheel of cheese, we leave the other seventy pound wheel of cheese out, so why not?  However, it dawns on me now, if it were a quarter wheel of cheese, would I have left it out? 

Negative. 

It's not cut, so it's safe, right?   "F*%%  F^*&)&  F*&$"   That's about how I feel about that.  That is a $1000 piece of cheese, at least.  It sucks because I really only have myself to blame for not thinking.  I am really busy at work, and my assistant and I were actually getting along yesterday.  That is rare.  But I was being too agreeable, and thinking this guy might actually know what he is doing, because he had a couple of good ideas yesterday.  F$#^ Me. 

It's my first holiday season as a Cheese Monger, and why the hell did I go and listen to my assistant who's a dumbf*&^?  I don't typically listen to him, which creates tension at work, and he bitches and complains how I treat him like a child, etc.  So typically, being at work isn't a lot of fun, but it's not because I don't like the work I do.  I love it.  It's a matter of who I work with.

So, on a day that I agree with him, get along with him, don't correct him, etc...it costs me $1000.

I'd rather not be the boss that causes people to go home and kick the dog (mostly because I love dogs but I also like to think that I care about people).  But if it's going to cost me that big, there's a part of me that would rather be a bitch.   How do I balance being the powerful, loving, healing, inspiring being I know I am, and dealing with a person that I feel I have to treat like shit to get anything done?  I don't feel like I can be nice to him, or treat him as kindly as I would like to, because I feel like he takes advantage of it, consciously or unconsciously, I don't know.  But if I'm not ordering him around, if I don't babysit the man to get things done, he doesn't do his job real well. 

I feel like I am rambling.  It's the middle of the night and I'm tired.  I'm not entirely sure if I am even making sense anymore. 

I guess for you out there that feel like you have a boss that makes you "kick the dog",  your boss may very feel like kicking the dog too.  That is all hypothetical.  I would never kick my dog, nor do I condone kicking dogs.  Dogs are the best to cuddle up with when what you really want to do is kick someone else.  

I should get a dog again.