I'm a good girl

What do I say about today? I have been processing so much today. I sat in my room for a few hours, thinking, crying, writing in my journal. Then I decided I actually deserved to get some stuff done today.

When I do things that are good for me to do, whether it's ironing my clothes, running errands that I'm better off getting done, filling my pill boxes for the week with my meds/herbs, helping my mom, or whatever. I literally say to myself, "I'm such a good girl." It started this past week as I spent the week with my mom, and it's like I do things I think my mom would be proud of, and I tell myself I'm a good girl. It's silly, but I like it.

So today felt hard, but I was a good girl, and I got stuff done regardless. But not in a torturous way to myself. I really think I'm a good girl because I get things done because I'm able to see the bigger picture and what serves me, even through the gloom and sad feelings.

Today was heavy, and even after I got stuff done, I spent an hour and half crying to my mom on the phone. Have I mentioned before that my mom is awesome? I am so grateful she picks up the phone still when she sees it's me calling.

Tomorrow is the orientation for my new job. Big day. Today I was there doing some paperwork, and I started to get a little taste of my job, and it has quite a bit of responsibility. I was a little daunted (so part of the reason I was crying on the phone to my mom). However, I realized, seriously, I've done this stuff before. It's just that before I got thrown into it. Now I'm signing up for it and saying, "Yes, I am totally capable of X,Y, and Z." And I am capable. I am very smart, and I have a lot of experience and knowledge of food, customer service, stock rotation, inventory and ordering, scheduling, and leadership. I definitely have room for improvement, to learn and to grow, so I'm excited...in a ropes course kinda way.

Oh, I could keep writing. I had so many thoughts today. I haven't even started, but I am so tired and I've got an early morning tomorrow. I am going to bed, so I can wake up early for my new job tomorrow. I'm such a good girl.