The good news.

My mom is kinda a little kid, the kind that doesn't scare me. Yes, this is a Fisher- Price Nativity. My mom says her new grandson can have it in a year or two...maybe.

Kids Scare Me (and stupid people too).

I was in Walmart today, and this boy (I'm gonna say he was at least 5) was screaming bloody murder. Here are the 5 things that came out of my mouth in response during the 20 minutes I was looking for a fondue pot (you're welcome mom):

1) I am stating here and now, I am not having kids. Sorry dad, you're getting grandchihuahuas, not grandkids.
2) Would whoever is murdering that kid get it over with? Or am I going to go finish the job? He's driving me crazy!
3) Are you that kid I've been listening to scream all over the store? His mom: Pretty much. Kid: (Screaming, of course) Mom! She's scaring me!
4) I'm going to recruit you for my choir (if I had one) because you've got lungs kid!
5) I'm scaring him? He's scaring me! I'm gonna go get a hysterectomy!

The screaming still wasn't over when we left. (Dear God!) I don't typically condone child abuse but I wouldn't have blamed his mother at all if she had grabbed some duct tape and sealed his mouth shut. I might have applauded. I might have bought it for her.

Earlier in the day, someone asked me why I was "pissed off". This person clearly hasn't seen me pissed off, because while I wasn't thrilled, I certainly wasn't "pissed". (I put it in quotes because I am really beginning to dislike that word.) But if I was "pissed" it would be because that individual is a moron. Stupid people depress me. They talk, and then I really don't believe there is hope for this world.

Besides the fact that kids scare me, I don't think I will reproduce because I don't want to bring more people into this godforsaken world. Then, at times, I feel morally obligated to reproduce. Someone has to pass on good genetics, right? If there is any hope for mankind, maybe I've gotta keep brains in the gene pool. Maybe I should put up with screaming children, poopy diapers, teenagers, for the good of mankind.

But then again, why should on myself?